Displaced

Hello, strangers. I remember blogging about my 2012 goals in January (I remember because I always do it at the start of every year. Could I be any more unoriginal?) and one of the many things I wanted to do was attend a music festival for the first time. Well, guess what? Uh huh. I did it! It was three days of pure bliss and muscle pains and now I'm left with a sunburned face and so many good memories. Then we went to a park I've been dreaming of going back to since 2008 when I first visited it. So fucking happy.


The disconnect between nature and people from urban cities becomes really apparent once you start losing your signal on your way up. I kept restarting my cellphone because I wanted to Instagram the view so bad. After an hour though I realized how futile it was and that I should wait until I get back down to reality. Isn't it ridiculous how we have to be forced into enjoying such beauty? I really feel disgusted at myself for that. Do you think cellphone companies were barred from reaching that high up just to give us, poor humans who act like robots, a break? There must be a clause in the contracts between the government and these corporations that states "National Parks are to remain free of internet and cellphone connections. No Wi-Fi, no 3G, no 4G LTE, or what have you. Leave them alone." I like that.


I always say things like from now on, I will do this and that and it never works out. You know why? Because I never really mean them too much. I mean them at the time I say them, but then I forget about them. This time (yeah, right), I want to make good on this. I want to disconnect from everything at least once a month. That might not even be enough considering the hours I spend in front of the computer every single day, but it's a good starting point. I don't have to go to Yosemite every time although I wish I could, but I need to consciously set some time for myself and other things that aren't on the internet. I could start reading regularly again or maybe go for hikes. I don't really know where to start. I just think it'll make me a better person to touch base with reality sometimes.


I felt so little up there in Yosemite and so insignificant. Yes, I may still be a special little snowflake, but snowflakes melt and the world doesn't end when they do. Just as my presence means so little in the world and wherever I may choose to be tomorrow or next month won't change a thing at all. It's depressing, but it's also very liberating. I could move tomorrow or next month and not disrupt anything. I just find everyone where I am right now so distracted and uncaring about things that are permanent. It's all now, now, now. What happens then, then, then? I feel quite lost.


The weird thing is I really can't think of a place I'd rather be right now.